How to Find Your Memoir’s Tasty Theme

Theme. It’s one of those topics you hear about everywhere in the writing world. Oh, and it’s a bit of a beast at times too. Theme is a literary device that can leave a writer struggling to find it, see how to weave it in, and know how to use it as a tool to strengthen their book.

And, in full disclosure, even I struggle with theme from time to time. Take, for example, this very blog post. I knew I wanted to talk about theme, but I sat for weeks (yes… weeks!) trying to find a way to do that. I knew I wanted to cover what a theme is, why a book needs one, how to find it, and perhaps give you some common examples to follow (which this post does!). But that wasn’t enough. This post needed a THEME, a way to tie all those points together. 

As can happen with all creative endeavors, in a gloriously random moment, after spending a few hours decorating Valentine’s Day cookies with my daughters this morning, it hit me: Theme is like the flavor of a dish or baked good. It’s something you can’t see… you have to experience it as you taste the food. If the chef or baker did her job well, you’ll pick up hints of the theme as you smell the dish, taste it, and enjoy the way it sits with you after it’s gone.

We’ll look closer at theme using the example of baking a cake. 

What is the “theme” of a book?

If you’ve ever read anything about “theme,” you’ve probably heard something like the theme of your book is the “universal thread” that will tie it all together. You may have even heard it described as looking at life through different colored glasses.

Either way, at its core, theme answers, “What is your book about?” It also answers, “What is the universal message your story shares that will connect with your readers? What human-level lesson does your book help us learn?” 

Simply put, this “universal theme” or “golden thread” is what your story is about—it’s what your life during a particular time period has been about. It’s the main idea. And in cake baking, it’s the flavor of your cake. Are you going for something sweet like strawberry cream, or something tart like lemon? What about using coconut or pineapple for a more tropical flavor? Or even something spicy like carrot cake? 

The flavor you choose for your cake will send the eaters a message on how you’d like them to experience the cake. This is the same with the theme for your memoir.

Now here’s the important part to remember: A cake, no matter the flavor, can look the same on the outside. If you see a pretty little eight-inch-round cake with white frosting, you’ll have no idea what flavor it is based on how it looks, right? This applies to your book, too.

Inside your story, you’ll describe what happened—the situation, the people, the places, the things. Those are all external elements a story must have, and they form a container within which your story will exist. These external elements influence your story—the things that happened in your life impacted you. You felt, thought, acted, and reacted based upon those events. And then you learned, grew, and shifted throughout your story, based upon the events that happened, the people you encountered, the places you went, etc. 

The events are the outside of the cake—the shape, the frosting, the toppings. But the outside doesn’t tell us the full story; in fact, you can make a chocolate, strawberry, lemon, or vanilla cake look the same on the outside, right? It’s the FLAVOR inside that tells us the real story (the lessons you learned, the transformation you experienced). This flavor is the theme of your memoir. 

Why does a book need a theme?

Let’s start by saying that a book needs a theme for the same reason a cake needs a flavor. Otherwise, we’ll just be eating a bunch of flavorless fluff. 

Indeed, a book without a theme is also sans flavor. If your memoir has no theme, it will start to sound like an autobiography. It’ll sound like you wrote it for YOU and no one else. You’ll lose your readers because they will likely not be able to find anything in it for themselves. 

Remember how a theme is referred to as a “universal” thread? Here’s where that comes into play. When you make your theme universal, you allow your readers IN. You allow them to feel along with you. You allow them to see themselves in your story (what happened inside you).

When you write a memoir, you are sharing what happened to you, but you are not writing about YOU. You are writing about how the events impacted you, what you learned, and how that has changed your life. This lesson is essentially the basis for a theme, and it needs to apply universally. It needs to allow almost anyone to relate to it—this means it is universally understood; it crosses boundaries of gender, race, culture, creed. It knows no bounds, just like the universe.

With a cake, you’re most likely baking it to share with others, right? No judgment from me if you plan to eat it yourself; I’m alright with this! But if you do plan to share, you’ll probably spend time thinking about how others may enjoy the flavor. This may influence which flavor cake you decide to bake. You make this decision because you are thinking of others. This is about them as much as it’s about you. 

When your memoir has a theme, it allows your readers to live your journey with you, just like sharing your cake with them. If you just tell us what happened without tying it together thematically, we won’t understand what you’re trying to tell us—we won’t get why we’re reading about a bunch of stuff that happened to you. We won’t get why you’re trying to feed us this flavorless fluff instead of a decadent triple chocolate cake. 

So, how do we find this tasty theme?

How to find your book’s theme is, unfortunately, not as easy as picking the flavor of cake you want to bake. It’s certainly not as easy as grabbing a bottle of vanilla extract off the shelf.

Remember that when you’re writing a memoir, you’re writing a STORY, just like a novel is a story. The only difference is that memoir is based upon your life—true, factual events—and you can’t just go making stuff up like you can in fiction, which tends to make memoir a bit tricky.

But, finding your book’s theme doesn’t need to be that tricky.

In fact, your book’s theme should be able to be easily stated in one sentence, or even a short phrase. You can even start with one word.

For instance, perhaps your book is about “love.” You can then expand that to “finding love,” and then even to something like, “It’s possible to find love even after your heart’s been broken.” 

It’s like a cake that goes from “vanilla” to “vanilla dream cake” to “the luscious vanilla dream cake we served at our wedding twenty years ago.” 

Start with the simple and then aim to expand.

A book’s theme can also be seen in a journey format. Memoirs that speak deeply to their readers share a story of transformation, where the writer goes “from this to that.” The writer takes us on a journey from point A to point B. 

For example, from married to happily divorced, or from healthy to cancer survivor.

It’s like looking at a before picture and an after picture, and the book tells us what happened along the way. Your readers may not be able to relate to exactly what happened (the events), but a strong universal theme will help them resonate with the transformation. In other words, we might not know exactly how you made that cake, but it’s arguably difficult to find someone who doesn’t love a good chocolate cake. 

Here’s an exercise to get you started on finding your book’s theme:

Step 1: Start by listing all of the major lessons you’ve learned in life, and then list out all of the transformations you’ve undergone using the formula “from A to B.” Compare these two lists and see what jumps out to you as one or two possibilities for a major theme.

Step 2: Write out each possible theme in just one sentence or phrase, and attempt to keep things positive. Instead of “I used to be married,” phrase it like this: “I am now happy as a single woman.”

Step 3: For each possible theme, list out the major events that support the theme. After you’re done, one theme may stick out to you as the story that needs to be told.

You can also try a couple of these other methods to help flesh out your book’s theme: 

* Tell someone your story and see what jumps out at them.

* Think about who you’re trying to help and with what when you write this book.

* Read memoirs that sound similar to your experiences and try to identify their themes.

* Answer the question, “What does your book argue?” (For example, “My book argues that it’s possible to thrive after surviving cancer.”)

Here’s a quick list of common themes to try on for size—and remember, a theme may sound quite cliché, and that’s okay! That’s what makes them universal.

* Beauty lies on the inside.

* Light can be found even in the darkest grief.

* Love conquers all.

* What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

* Find your own path.

* As inspired by the lovable Drake, “I started at the bottom, now I’m here.” 

If you’re still struggling to find your book’s theme (or perhaps all you can think of is cake and I’ve completely distracted you), I’d highly recommend scheduling a Memoir Consultation with me. On this call, we can spend time going deep into your story to help bring your theme to light. We can share a cake too. (I’m partial to chocolate.)

Creatively yours,